typical arguement with my mother: type #1

In which my mother comes into my room to complain about lodger/solicitor/sister/ex boyfriend/family..

'I'm not gossiping, but...... *airs misgivings.*'

'Well you are a bit. Little bit gossipy.'

'No, it's not gossip, I just wanted to tell you that......*misgivings*'

'Well, I really don't want to get involved but, *suggests course of action*'

'No! That's not at all what I want to do about it. You're so hard about things. Why can't you be nice? Why can't you say 'oh, mummy, poor you, yes I can see why that's so hard/difficult/mean/uncalled for/unreasonable.'

'.........beeeecaaaause.... I don't think it is hard/difficult/mean/uncalled for/unreasonable.  *thinks... i think you might be being unreasonable.....*'

'Yes, but don't you see *repeats misgivings. Twice. Minimum*'

'Right, so, if it's a problem, why don't you do something about it?'

'WHY AREN'T YOU SYMPATHISING WITH MY PLIGHT???!!!!!!'

'.....there's a plight?'

'SAY YOU AGREE WITH ME!'

'but I don't.... I think you're wrong.'

'YOU DON'T LOVE ME'

'No, I just can't relate to your 'problem'. I offered you my opinion on it...?'

'You didn't say how sorry you were about my PLIGHT'

'Because... *sigh*. You don't want to hear my opinion if it doesn't match yours. That's not really how conversations work.......would it be better if I lied?'

'I think you should move out. You're a terrible person.'

*FACEPLANTS DESK*