I cannot compete with the ones who are fitter.
The ones with lean limbs, hips that little bit slimmer.
The ones with tanned skin and the pearly white grins
the ones wearing skirts so short that it skims
that place that unites us, yet makes us compete
for the attention of men who'll treat us like meat.
Just a dish on the menu - you want leg, or the breast?
For I know that my womanhood can't match up to the rest.
I'm not like the pictures you see on the bus
or the silk legged teenagers that scream look at us!
I'm not of the type that wants to wear heels,
or lie about my age with chemical peels.
But I want just for once to feel like I fit,
go out with no makeup and not look like shit.
Wear tights that aren't as opaque as a glove
to the scars on my legs feel not hatred but love
feel a vague sense of pride in this body of mine,
instead of the shame that I feel all the time.
The shame that no matter what I do I can't match
halfway up to the women who're seen as a catch
The ones who don't need to make love in the dark
The ones with smooth skin that bears not a mark.
Not a scar, not a vein, not a pimple or bruise,
the signs of beautiful women; And besides them, I lose.
Saturday, 24 September 2011
Oh hai, I done a poem.
Months ago, I mean months and months and months ago, I heard a poet called Hollie McNish on Radio 4.
I liked her. It reminded me I like poetry a lot, though I never read it.
I got the chance to see her the other day, in an intimate scratch session for mum's with babies while she works through her latest project of turning her album 'push kick' into a theatrical piece about motherhood. I felt like a total fraud being there, and took the toddler (and my boss) as cover for being the only non-mum in the room.
But, she and the performance poet I saw later in the night whilst working on a cabaret show (sexy burlesque dancers, then the poet made everyone cringe with works about sex addiction, depression and wanking - the last line of which was apparently 'It takes two to tango, but only one to wank'....I say apparently, because I'd actually left the room by that point to cringe in privacy) inspired me to start writing things again myself. Once you're in that lyrical flowing language mindset, it's hard to shake off, and I've been trying to rhyme and measure my timing whilst talking on the phone ever since.
But, here are some things that I started working on, which need work, but were a quick off the cuff reaction at midnight last night. They work better spoken, and I may upload audio at some point.
Things to do someday
Every night when I sleep,
I write a list of things 'to do'
someday.
And when I wake, they're not done.
When I work, when I play,
if I try hard all day,
they're not done.
These lists, theses schemes, my plans and dreams,
they're waiting for me, someday
some magical time
when I'm free, when my time is for me,
someday.
When I'm not running behind,
trying to keep up with the daily grind,
the list will diminish.
But I can't see the day when I'll be close to finish
For any item ticked of is replaced in a flash
by three or more other things waiting for me to be free.
Someday.
Someday I'll work through the things to be done,
some which have waited since 2001
And then I'll be free. Free of the list that needs my attention
And then I'll pause to consider
if life would be better
without the hope and the waiting, the anticipation
of the goals yet to score.
And then I think I'll add more.
Yes. Someday,
I'll write a list of the things to add
to the list of the things that I'd like to achieve,
though right now I find it hard to believe, that
someday
I'll even find the precious time to.
To write this list, of things, 'to do'.
I liked her. It reminded me I like poetry a lot, though I never read it.
I got the chance to see her the other day, in an intimate scratch session for mum's with babies while she works through her latest project of turning her album 'push kick' into a theatrical piece about motherhood. I felt like a total fraud being there, and took the toddler (and my boss) as cover for being the only non-mum in the room.
But, she and the performance poet I saw later in the night whilst working on a cabaret show (sexy burlesque dancers, then the poet made everyone cringe with works about sex addiction, depression and wanking - the last line of which was apparently 'It takes two to tango, but only one to wank'....I say apparently, because I'd actually left the room by that point to cringe in privacy) inspired me to start writing things again myself. Once you're in that lyrical flowing language mindset, it's hard to shake off, and I've been trying to rhyme and measure my timing whilst talking on the phone ever since.
But, here are some things that I started working on, which need work, but were a quick off the cuff reaction at midnight last night. They work better spoken, and I may upload audio at some point.
Things to do someday
Every night when I sleep,
I write a list of things 'to do'
someday.
And when I wake, they're not done.
When I work, when I play,
if I try hard all day,
they're not done.
These lists, theses schemes, my plans and dreams,
they're waiting for me, someday
some magical time
when I'm free, when my time is for me,
someday.
When I'm not running behind,
trying to keep up with the daily grind,
the list will diminish.
But I can't see the day when I'll be close to finish
For any item ticked of is replaced in a flash
by three or more other things waiting for me to be free.
Someday.
Someday I'll work through the things to be done,
some which have waited since 2001
And then I'll be free. Free of the list that needs my attention
And then I'll pause to consider
if life would be better
without the hope and the waiting, the anticipation
of the goals yet to score.
And then I think I'll add more.
Yes. Someday,
I'll write a list of the things to add
to the list of the things that I'd like to achieve,
though right now I find it hard to believe, that
someday
I'll even find the precious time to.
To write this list, of things, 'to do'.
Thursday, 8 September 2011
The people I (probably) won't be dating: Part 2. The internet.
So, I'm back on the internetty shelf.
'Dating'.
By the virtue of being female and not looking like an utter troll, I'm having to clear out my inbox of dating site messages 200 at a time.
Unfortunately, only about 2% are worth reading beyond the first sentence - if there IS more than one sentence that is, as an unsurprising amount of emails are one-line wonders from utterly unsuitable men, this despite me adding to my profile that I'm a fan of intellect, can be a grammar nazi, and
And yes, these are the emails IN THEIR ENTIRETY.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
'Dating'.
By the virtue of being female and not looking like an utter troll, I'm having to clear out my inbox of dating site messages 200 at a time.
Unfortunately, only about 2% are worth reading beyond the first sentence - if there IS more than one sentence that is, as an unsurprising amount of emails are one-line wonders from utterly unsuitable men, this despite me adding to my profile that I'm a fan of intellect, can be a grammar nazi, and
sorry, I don't respond well to messages in text-speak, or ones that start (and finish) with 'hi babe wanna chat'....EDIT: No punctuation, NO response.still. There they are. Rolling in. Without punctuation. Here's some examples of the men who due to their opening gambit, I shall not be touching with a bargepole. Unless possibly, the bargepole is on fire, and they're doused in petrol.
And yes, these are the emails IN THEIR ENTIRETY.
- hi their (this guy sent me the same message twice in 2 days. Didn't pause to consider grammar either time.)
- Hey how you doing? Your right you are a walking attraction with those dredz! But i sopose it what makes you unquie :) (Spelling? What now? Spelling?)
- Raaaaaaaaaaaaar!
- Duck herding sounds like fun quak quak quak lol have you ever played the duck song game? You have to quak a song and the other person has to guess the song sounds rubbish but is super fun :) (OK, so, I may have opened myself up to oddballs by suggesting duckherding as a date, but seriously people, PUNCTUATE! And never LOL at me.)
- Hey :)
Im Ant x (hi. I'm unimpressed.) - love ur look
- hay hi fancy a chat sometime, xxxxxxxxxx (from a man dressed as a sexy woman in a serious way. The cross dressing tempted me, I have to be honest. But my email standards won.)
- wow u so sexy!!!
- Its really good picture of yours, just wondering Is that your real hair? (no, clearly I stole it.)
- Hey :o) You sound fun. Are you into music?x (oh, ffs.)
- hi how are you how is your week going x (better before your email)
- like u r style, your a hippy babe right (is that even a sentence, or just words in a line?)
There were more, but everytime I sign on to the site to go through my old messages (most of which got the delete button halfway through....) I get 5 new messages come in, and frankly, I have enough to handle right now... if Mr.Right is currently trying to get in touch... he'll have to wait. I have a list of 5 Mr.He-might-be-ok's to thoroughly vet before I go through anymore!
The vetting process is now incredibly important, having gone on a spontaneous date without chatting to the guy first the other day.
Amongst other things, he....
When I've recovered from my 2 weeks of dating 6 people simultaneously, I shall blog the best (and worst) bits of it. Until then, I'm going to sleep.
And leave you with this email I received from a 'large' gentleman who's picture made me shudder (not in a good way....
The vetting process is now incredibly important, having gone on a spontaneous date without chatting to the guy first the other day.
Amongst other things, he....
- sang me the Tigger song (with a lisp, and all the actions, and not in an ironic way)
- referred to himself in the 3rd person (ie. "Jasons' don't like that")
- tried to touch my face repeatedly having just been told I have a phobia of face touching.
When I've recovered from my 2 weeks of dating 6 people simultaneously, I shall blog the best (and worst) bits of it. Until then, I'm going to sleep.
And leave you with this email I received from a 'large' gentleman who's picture made me shudder (not in a good way....
that is one amazing picture,i wanna live in that picture,marry it and rais a family of tiny pictures
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