Jokes from the riots my Mum didn't appreciate...

Hopefully this is actually making some kind of impact on the world news, not just the UK. Although I don't begin to rate the current mindless violence and thuggery on the same page let alone scale as the famines, world disasters and looming financial ruin facing the world, London is in the midst of a meltdown.
We have riots.
High streets (including my local one) have been smashed, looted, and set on fire. As have train stations, houses, cars, buses.....

I came close to rioting myself when I travelled an hour across London yesterday to attend a long booked appointment with the laser hair removal people to find the entire town on lock-down and patrolled by police, without so much as a text from the clinic to advise me all bookings we off. I mean honestly. Even in the midst of a riot, I expect general politeness and decency from the services I'm paying through the nose for.

While London had merry bonfires, I had my mum 200miles away texting and calling in panic every 10 minutes convinced that, as a Londoner, I was currently being carried off into the night by a gang of youths. (Or, even more of an affront to her delicate sensibilities, I may have got caught up in it and was currently kicking a policeman in the shins with my size 6 DMs.)

So, I get messages like this, received while I was (attempting) to walk to a bar with my boss and her stepdaughter for a girls night out....

"Just seen the 10pm news, rioting is happening in Clapham now. Hope you're home safe..... are you? xx"

(ye gods... how does she always know when I'm not at home?!)

As a Brit, and a firm believer in deflective wit, dry, dark humour, making light of sticky situations, and never admitting to fear or true emotion, I stand by my decision to never give her a straight answer or act like a responsible adult when replying to her texts....


"yes, know what's happening*, but keep me posted on the latest - we only have internet, no TV.... Unless we go down the road and nick one. x"

(*because a group of men with hoods up just ran past dragging metal bars on the ground)

She didn't find it amusing.
I sent her a reassuring message later on too:

"All's good here. Can't talk, battery dying on phone. ...it got shot by the police, innit."

Again. Apparently making light of the subject is not well received 200miles away.
Meanwhile, half a mile down the road where destruction hit last night, shops emptied and trashed, several homes were gutted by fire (and a fancy dress shop... seriously... who targets a fancy dress shop?! Unless the riots are a front for people with clown phobias to rid the world of their nemeses) all the locals have got up, dusted themselves off, and picked up dustpans and brushes to tidy up the mess left behind.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is British grit. Blitz spirit.

And although I don't necessarily agree with the way things are being dealt with by the 'authorities', this following internet find just made me spit out my tea through my nose:

I realise I'm lucky- no one I know has been hurt, made homeless or suffered anything more than seriously annoying road closures as yet, but, in the words of Monty Python, always look on the bright side of life.